2. Retirement as the holy grail
March 28, 2025 Retirement as the holy grail
These days, I am often asked – “Are you retired?” and I am not sure how to answer that question. I think for the most part, the person is asking - “Are you employed?” And the answer to that is no. I told a friend – I’m not working for money anymore! But I also do not consider myself “retired.” Why are “working” or “retired” the only options? The definition of “retirement” for me is based on my parents’ generation’s mental model of retirement – conjuring images of endless vacation, golf, sleeping in, leisurely weekday coffee dates and casual lunch dates with friends, puzzles, early bird dinner specials and chair yoga, maybe these days pickleball games and Mexican train are also part of the routine. Although one day, I may choose that lifestyle, I am not interested in that now. If I do not consider myself “working” or “retired,” what *am* I up to?
As I will share throughout these essays, I have come to observe over and over how our language is clumsy and also powerful. This is the first example of that clumsiness and power. Having only these two options to describe my current state is not sufficient, but it does drive the thinking on this topic. Therefore, I’m going to be adding to other voices that I have gathered to shift our culture through language – by adding words to our vocabulary to represent things that are not represented currently, and by working on how to make it stick. It is stunning when you stop to think about how much of our awareness and our known reality is built on what our language allows rather than on deliberate consideration. This will be a movement idea that I will I pick up on again later; a movement idea being something that can help us to move forward. For now, I see my work as developing a story that contains more expansive options for this phase of my life. (Note: Though I recognize that “work” is not the right word for it, I do not have a better one yet.)
Our medical and health advances have increased our lifespan greatly over the past 50 years, but we have not at all changed our mental model of adult life – the options are: employment, some other form of making money, or taking care of a family, and then retirement. It is easy to understand that this model was developed when life span was much shorter and so, given the shifts in the human experience, is due for an update. I have been thinking about a discussion of a new set of phases, specifically to re-frame the ending of a career as a move into a new phase of contribution to the world, a slowing down yes but also a sharpening and an awareness of the potential value that people at this age can bring. There are many traditions and teachers that adhere to a more expansive set of stages for adults; I am not an expert on these so I will not try to summarize but suffice it to say that this is not a unique idea. Some of these are described well and explored in the modern-day context in the books I have listed on the website under “resources,” if you would like to explore. In my journey, I started with Richard Rohr’s “Falling Upward” and then next went to Arthur Brook’s “From Strength to Strength.”
I have always been a voracious reader, and reading takes me to places and times that would otherwise be unknown to me. Through stories and history books, I have learned of traditional, indigenous societies with deep roots in which elders are thought of much differently than we think of “the elderly” in Western society. The word “elder” may not resonate with my Western audience because of the deep biases our society has against aging, but again, I hope I can develop a way to use language to shift our thinking. I use the term “elder” to harken back to more ancient knowings, connections and communities. Again, this is not a new idea but a very very old idea. I hope to modernize it and make it appealing and appreciated again for the value it can bring.
